


i wanna be known (by you)

by chasingoblivion



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Fluff and Angst, I have a special love for May and it shows, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Dating, Teacher!Buck, dating apps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingoblivion/pseuds/chasingoblivion
Summary: “I didn’t mean to do it.”Hen glances down at Eddie’s phone then back up at him in disbelief. “How do you ‘not mean’ to download a bunch of dating apps but still have them on your phone?”OrIn which Eddie delves into the intimidating world of online dating.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 83
Kudos: 337





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If not for two very persistent ladies (and our very chaotic group chat), this fic would've remained in purgatory forever. Thank you for helping me get here.
> 
> | title from "goner" by twenty one pilots |

“I didn’t mean to do it.”

Hen glances down at Eddie’s phone then back up at him in disbelief. “How do you ‘not mean’ to download a bunch of dating apps but still have them on your phone?”

Eddie ducks his head, feeling a warm blush work its way up his neck and onto his cheeks. He can’t tell Hen the truth. It’s a pathetic story that includes a night without Christopher, a bottle of red wine, and a very sad Spotify playlist. “It just happened.”

“Okay,” Hen says, but her tone makes it painstakingly obvious that she doesn’t believe him. Eddie is just grateful that she’s choosing not to call him out on his lie. “So, remind me what you need me for again?”

When Eddie woke up this morning, he had a phone full of apps he didn’t remember downloading but couldn’t bring himself to delete. Sober him was too scared to take the first step towards putting himself out there again, but apparently last night’s wine-drunk version of him wasn’t. He was thankful for that courage, up until he tried logging into the first app and realized that he was way out of his depth. He needed help and he knew exactly who he could turn to. 

“I don’t know how to use them.”

Hen leans closer to Eddie so that she can hear him over the chatter in the firehouse. “Can you say that again? I didn’t hear you.”

“I don’t know how to use that dating app,” Eddie repeats, gesturing to the one that Hen currently has open on his phone. When her eyes widen behind her glasses, he resigns himself to being a little overheated for the entirety of his conversation thanks to his embarrassment. “Or any. I’ve never used one before.”

He braces himself for whatever jokes Hen has up her sleeve in response to his confession - she always has at least three at her disposal - but they never come. Instead she says, “alright, then let me show you.”

“What?”

“I’m going to show how to use the app.” Hen tilts the phone in his direction so that he can see what she’s doing. “Once you get the basics down for this one, using the rest of the apps will be a breeze.” 

Eddie’s mouth falls open. He had mentally prepared himself for the teasing he’d be on the receiving end of as soon as he recruited Hen for assistance. He knew it would be done good-naturedly, which is why she was the one he chose to turn to. “You’re not gonna make fun of me?” 

Hen sighs, lowering Eddie’s phone and using her free hand to hold his. It’s an unexpected move, but not unwelcome. “C’mon, Eddie. In what world would I possibly make fun of you for putting yourself out there again?” 

Her brown eyes bore into his and it takes all of Eddie’s strength not to look away. They’ve been working together for close to two years now. It’s how she knows about Shannon’s passing and how much of a mess Eddie was after it happened. “Thank you,” he whispers.

She pats his hand before picking up his phone again. “Now, enough of that. It’s time for us to get down to business.” 

She inputs some basic information on Eddie’s behalf, all the while showing him what she’s doing so he can do it on his own with the other apps later. 

“And now all that’s left before we choose some of your pictures is to put in your sexual preference,” Hen explains, finger hovering over the word ‘women’.

Eddie’s heart rate kicks up a couple of notches as Hen moves to click that word, not even bothering to acknowledge the other two options. It’s a conversation Eddie has never had at work, not because he’s ashamed, but because it’s never come up. 

He can let Hen believe her assumption is correct and choose the ‘women’ option for him now and go home and change it for himself later. She would be none the wiser and nothing would change. But, Eddie decides that that’s not what he wants. Hen, hell the entire 118, have become his family and it doesn’t feel right to lie to family. Not that he’s been lying so much as omitting the truth. 

“Actually,” Eddie interjects, cutting off whatever Hen was in the middle of saying. If he doesn’t do this now, he might never do it. He holds his breath as he lightly knocks her hand out of the way so that he can bypass the ‘men’ and ‘women’ option to choose ‘both’. 

She looks over at him, shock clearly written across her face before letting out a startled laugh. “Okay, Diaz. I see you.” 

He exhales, happy that coming out to her was as simple as that. No questions, no accusations, nothing. It makes a weight he didn’t even know he was carrying float away and he’s lighter because of it. 

He knocks his shoulder against Hen’s and she does the same back to him before giving him his phone back. 

“Okay, time to pick the pictures you want on your profile.” Hen taps her chin before saying, “taken a picture with any puppies recently? No one, man or woman, can deny a cute man holding an even cuter puppy.”

* * *

 _Buck, 26  
_ _Los Angeles, CA  
_ _Birthmark not eye herpes._

“He’s cute.” Eddie drops his phone face down onto his lap, heart racing as he looks over his shoulder. Hen is standing there, smirk firmly in place. He doesn’t know how long she’s been there and he’s not sure that’s something he wants to know. If she’s been there the whole time, that would mean she knows he’s been openly staring at this guy’s profile for the last twenty minutes. “Did someone punch him in the face?”

“Did someone punch who in the face?” Chim asks as he raids the fridge for a snack. 

Bobby must be in his office or somewhere else in the station because no one would ever dare to mess with anything in the kitchen when he’s around, especially the fridge. They’re all convinced he has some kind of organization system in place in there that he refuses to tell them about. It’s the only way to explain how he always knows when something’s been moved. 

Eddie shoves his phone into his back pocket as if doing so will suddenly end this conversation. “No. No one.” He clears his throat. “No one got punched.”

Hen snorts, mouthing ‘smooth’ at Eddie before heading into the kitchen area to make herself a cup of coffee. She only gets as far as replacing the coffee filter when the alarm suddenly sounds overhead. They’re all heading for the stairs in an instant, leaving everything behind in the loft as they go. 

Well, almost everything. 

Eddie’s mind strays to brilliant blue eyes and a bruise-like birthmark as he jumps into the fire truck.

* * *

“Why is this so hard?”

Eddie stares at his darkened phone screen before tapping his finger against it. When he does, Buck’s profile lights up the otherwise dark room. He’s spent close to an hour on the app, finger ready to swipe right on Buck, before chickening out, letting the phone lock itself and then repeating the process all over again. 

There are people out there who use dating apps with ease and it’s apparent to Eddie that he’s not one of them. He probably should’ve seen this coming as soon as he asked Hen for help setting up his profile, but he didn’t. He had foolishly assumed that creating his profile was the final hurdle he needed to get past before putting himself back out there in the dating world. He didn’t take into consideration the fact that there was still one last hurdle to get past - actually swiping right on someone.

It sounds completely innocuous when it’s put that way - swiping right. It’s nothing more than a quick motion, a movement that can be done in the blink eye. 

For Eddie though, it’s more than that. For him, it’s the equivalent of letting someone know you like them and hoping that they feel the same. It’s a position that Eddie hasn’t been in in _years_ and, now that he’s stepped back into it, the ground has become unsteady beneath his feet. 

But it’s time, it’s _been_ time. If he doesn’t now, when will he? 

“Fuck it.” 

With a bout of confidence that wells up from an unknown source somewhere deep within him, he unlocks his phone and _finally_ swipes right. 

The action alone is enough to make Eddie smile triumphantly. He did it. He didn’t think he could, but he did and now -

_You’ve matched!_

The words on his screen are accompanied by two small circles - one that has Eddie’s profile picture and the other has Buck’s. It must be the app’s way of letting him know what him and his match will look like together, but all it’s done is send Eddie’s heart rate spiking. He’s been so focused on the steps that needed to be taken to put himself out in the dating world again that he didn’t stop to think about what would come _after_ that. 

In this case, that ‘after’ means sending a message to the person he’s matched with. 

“Shit.”

* * *

“Daddy?”

Eddie puts his phone down right away, screen facing down so that he can offer up all of his attention to his son. They’re sitting at the table working on a project for one of Chris’s classes and, although Chris swore that he could handle it on his own, Eddie chose to sit across from him and offer up some moral support. There aren’t too many days where he can just sit and be in his son’s company, so he figured he’d take advantage of the opportunity today. “Yeah, Chris?” 

“Are you mad at your phone?”

“I- what?”

“You were looking at it like this.” Chris pushes his eyebrows together with the tips of his pointer fingers and turns his lips down in an exaggerated pout. Something tells Eddie he didn’t look exactly like that, but maybe that’s how obvious his mood is to his son. And here Eddie was thinking that he was good at keeping his emotions under lock and key. “You only make that face when you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.” 

And he’s not, at least not per se. He’s mostly just aggravated at himself and his inability to type up a simple message. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chris asks earnestly. It’s done in such a way that Eddie doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s something he definitely cannot take credit for teaching his son. Not him, someone who makes it a point to bury his feelings so deep beneath the surface that it would take at least a full day of digging to actually reach. “Carla always tells me that it’s good to talk about my feelings instead of letting them bubble inside me.” 

“Carla’s right,” Eddie admits. He wishes there had been someone out there to tell him that when he was younger. It would’ve been refreshing to hear in comparison to his father’s motto of keeping everything bottled up inside where no one can see it. 

“So, why are you mad, daddy?”

Chris’s head is tilted _just so_ and it makes it impossible for Eddie to tell him anything other than the truth. Or at least a version of the truth that’s appropriate for Chris’s ears. “I made a new friend recently and I’m trying to figure out what to say to him.

“Oh!” Chris is excited about this, something that's apparent to Eddie after years of learning how to read his son. It might’ve been hard for him to really decipher his son’s words and actions upon returning from overseas, but Eddie found his bearings over time. For example, if not for Chris’s voice, Eddie would be able to deduce his son’s excitement from the red in the apple of cheeks and the flailing of his limbs. “That’s easy. You just say, ‘hi’.” 

“Hi?”

“Yeah, what else would you say?”

His son makes a very valid point and Eddie feels a little foolish for not thinking of that himself. 

“When’d you get so smart, kid?”

Chris’s answering grin is bright as he picks up his pencil to get back to his project. “I’ve always been smart.”

Eddie laughs before grabbing his phone, unlocking it and opening the app where an introduction is waiting for him. There’s no world where he would've considered typing a message to an almost stranger after a conversation with his son, but who cares. He’s tired of overthinking things. 

He types up the short message quickly, hitting send before he has a chance to second guess himself.

 **Eddie (6:42pm):** hi

 **Buck (6:43pm)** : hey! :)

* * *

“Carla send you a cute picture of Chris again?”

Dazed, Eddie glances up and finds Bobby staring back at him. “Huh?”

“Picture of Chris?” Bobby asks, pointing at Eddie’s phone. “You’ve been smiling at your screen for the past five minutes.”

“Oh uh yeah.” Eddie is quick to switch over to his photos app and pull up a picture that he had taken of Chris at the park yesterday. His captain will be none the wiser of when it was actually taken. “The two of them went to the park today since Chris had a half-day,” he explains as he holds his phone out for Bobby to see. 

Bobby’s eyes light up immediately. It’s a reaction that Eddie’s grown accustomed to whenever Chris is involved. There’s no denying just how cute his son is.

Eddie waits until later, after Bobby has gone back to his office and no one else is around, to open the dating app that he spends a fair amount of time on these days. And to think, only a week ago he was asking for help on how to use the app. 

**Eddie (3:02pm)** : my boss called me out for smiling like an idiot at my phone 

**Eddie (3:02pm)** : I’m mortified

 **Buck (3:03pm)** : hi mortified! i’m buck!

Eddie shakes his head, biting the corner of his lip to keep from laughing. 

**Eddie (3:04pm)** : you’re the worst

 **Buck (3:07pm)** : if I was the worst would you really be smiling like an idiot at your phone because of me?

 **Eddie (3:09pm)** : I never said that YOURE the reason I was smiling at my phone

 **Buck (3:10pm)** : you haven’t denied it yet either ;)

* * *

Eddie stares off into space, trying to find the words he needs to send a message he should’ve sent ages ago. It’s just that talking to Buck these past two weeks has been fun, easy, and he never found the right time to bring up the fact that he has a son. Maybe if they had met in person, it’s something that would’ve been mentioned much sooner, but it’s different since the two of them are only messaging each other. Eddie is sure that there must be _some_ kind of etiquette about telling someone you’ve met online that you’re a single parent, he just hasn’t figured out what it is just yet. 

But, as he watches his son whoop happily as he flies down the playground’s slide, Eddie knows it’s time to be upfront with Buck and tell him. Better now than further down the line, especially if Buck has a problem with Eddie having a kid. 

He really hopes he doesn’t.

 **Eddie (5:42pm)** : I have to tell you something.

Eddie thrums his fingers against his phone and tells himself that the way his stomach swoops has everything to do with the burrito he had for lunch today.

He doesn’t have to wait long for Buck’s response.

 **Buck (5:44pm)** : Is this when I find out that the pictures on your profile aren’t actually yours?

 **Buck (5:44pm)** : I knew it was too good to be true

 **Buck (5:45pm)** : Who’s THAT good-looking and easy to talk to???

 **Buck (5:46pm)** : I wonder if I can get on Catfish with this story

 **Buck (5:47pm)** : I’ve always wanted to be friends with nev

Eddie thinks that maybe he would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so nervous. He types out the message quickly, but between checking on Christopher again and his own nerves, it takes him longer to hit send.

 **Eddie (5:55pm)** : I have a son.

 **Buck (5:56pm)** : Cool! How old is he?

Eddie’s eyes widen, it can’t be _that_ easy. Can it? 

**Eddie (5:57pm)** : he’s 9

 **Buck (5:58pm)** : that’s such a fun age! 

And, because apparently Eddie doesn’t know to not look a gift horse in the mouth, he shares his disbelief with Buck.

 **Eddie (6:00pm)** : you’re okay with the fact that i have a kid? 

**Buck (6:01pm)** : i love kids

 **Buck (6:02pm)** : i’m a 1st grade teacher

 **Buck (6:02pm)** : did i never mention that? 

He most certainly did not. Although, now that Eddie thinks about it, he never told Buck what he does for a living either. He should probably do that. 

It’s interesting, the details that don’t come to the surface versus those that do in the world of online dating. Eddie’s sure that, had he met Buck in person, them talking about what they did for a living would’ve been one of the first things to come up in a conversation.

 **Eddie (6:04pm)** : you didn’t but i’m glad i know now

 **Eddie (6:05pm)** : i’m a firefighter by the way

 **Buck (6:06pm)** : you’re kidding me

 **Eddie (6:07pm)** : nope

 **Buck (6:08pm)** : so you’re hot, easy to talk to AND a firefighter

Eddie’s face heats up at the casual mention of his own attractiveness. Apparently being complimented via text makes him react the same way he would’ve had he heard the compliment in person. Add that to the list of things he’s learned thanks to the world of online dating. 

**Buck (6:09pm)** : please do not be alarmed if i don't respond for the next hour or so, i need time to properly digest all of this information

 **Buck (6:34pm)** : totally unrelated question, but if i set my apartment on fire right now will you come save me?

* * *

“I know that look.”

Eddie startles, almost dropping his phone in the process. When he seeks out the person who has caught him off guard, he’s surprised to see May. What surprises him even more is how the knowing look on her face is an exact match for the one he’s seen Athena wear countless times before. 

It’s unsettling. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the boys?”

Eddie and Chris already had plans for a movie night when he overheard Hen complaining about her babysitter canceling on her and Karen, thus leaving them without anyone to watch Denny on date night. Eddie, knowing that Chris wouldn’t mind the extra company, told Hen that Denny was more than welcome to join him and Chris for movie night. Then, because Bobby was sitting right next to him, Eddie extended the invitation to Harry and May as well. 

It’s how he ended up here in his home on a Friday night with three young boys and May. 

“I was, but they’re thirsty so I told them I’d come by and see what’s taking you so long.” May walks a little further into the kitchen and leans against the counter. “I wasn’t expecting you to be distracted by whoever it is you're texting and _obviously_ crushing on.”

Eddie splutters. “I-what?” He can’t remember the last time he was called out for having a ‘crush’ on someone. The term itself sounds so juvenile. “I wasn’t texting and I’m not ‘crushing on’ anyone.”

May rolls her eyes. “You might be able to fool an adult with that argument, but not me. I saw the heart eyes you were directing at your phone as soon as I walked in here. So, can we skip past the part where you try to deny it?” 

Eddie’s jaw falls open at May’s bluntness. He really thought he was in for an easy and fun night with the kids and instead he’s being called out by a teenager. If this is what he has to look forward to when Chris gets older, Eddie will start looking into ways to keep his son nine-years-old forever. 

As if conjured by his father’s thoughts, Chris yells, “daddy! Are you coming back with our hot chocolates?”

Eddie moves to pick up the tray of mugs he was planning to bring to his living room before getting sidetracked but May beats him to it. She purposely takes two mugs off of the tray, leaving them behind on the counter. “I’ll take these to the boys, get the movie started, and then we’re gonna talk.”

Her tone leaves no room for argument and all Eddie can do is stare at her as she walks away. He’s always known better than to get on Athena’s bad side and, tonight, he’s learned that the same can be said for May. 

Accepting that there’s no escaping what he’s sure is about to be a very thorough interrogation, Eddie picks up the two mugs May left behind and brings them to the table before sitting down. He’s tempted to message Buck while he waits for her to return but messaging him earlier was what got him into this situation to begin with. 

“Okay,” May says as soon as she returns, taking the seat across from Eddie and wrapping her hands around her mug. “Spill.”

“Spill?”

“Yes, spill. Who’s got you looking at your phone like a lovestruck teenager?

Eddie’s grateful he wasn’t taking a sip of his drink when May asked that question because he might’ve choked on it. Lovestruck teenager, really?

“Just someone I’ve been talking to for a couple of weeks now.”

“And?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “And what?”

“Can’t you be a little more detailed?” May leans forward, forearms resting on the table as her inquisitive brown eyes lock on Eddie. “When did you two meet? Where? Are they cute? Can I see a picture of them if you have one? Have they met the team yet?”

Eddie’s head is spinning from all the questions being thrown at him, but what really sticks out to him is May’s use of the gender-neutral terms ‘they’ and ‘them’. He’s grown so used to everyone around him assuming he’s straight, that it barely phases him when they use female pronouns. But here May is decidedly _not_ doing that. 

“They? Them?”

“You’ve never explicitly said what your sexual orientation is, and it’d be wrong of me to assume,” she explains, shrugging as if there’s nothing out of the ordinary with her reasoning. It’s that, her blasé attitude towards something people barely put any thought into, that cracks Eddie’s resolve. 

“His name is Evan, but he goes by Buck.”

Eddie goes into more detail about the man that he’s been talking to, answering all of May’s questions about him. The experience makes him feel a little like his abuela when she sits at the dinner table gossiping with relatives. 

“This is him,” Eddie tells her, sliding her phone across the table to her so that she can look at Buck’s pictures. 

“Oh!” May exclaims, covering her mouth at the last second to keep from being too loud and drawing the boys’ attention away from their movie. “He’s cute.” She swipes through a few of Buck’s pictures. “ _Really_ cute. You two would look good together.”

Eddie does _not_ puff out his chest a little bit at the compliment. 

“Have you guys exchanged numbers yet?”

“No, why would we? We can just talk on the app.”

May shakes her head as she hands Eddie back his phone. “That’s the next step of online dating. You’ve gotta transition away from the app and, after messaging on it nonstop for three weeks straight, I think it’s time.”

Her statement lingers in Eddie’s mind later that night after all the kids have been picked up and Chris is tucked in and asleep. Honestly, he never even thought about asking Buck for his number so they could text each other instead of having to rely on the app. It would definitely be much easier to remain in contact that way and Eddie won’t have to hide his phone every time he opens the app to keep anyone from seeing it. The messages app is much more inconspicuous. 

**Eddie (9:34pm)** : what are your thoughts on exchanging phone numbers?

 **Buck (9:40pm)** : i thought you’d never ask :)

* * *

Eddie is walking into the station when his phone chimes. The sound is followed shortly thereafter by a second chime. He’s carrying a tray full of drinks, having woken up early and in a good enough mood to stop by the team’s favorite coffee shop to pick something up for Bobby, Chim, Hen, and himself. The tray itself isn’t all that heavy, but Eddie doesn’t trust himself to carry it in one hand. If his friends found out that he had purchased them all drinks, only to end up spilling it right before their shift began, he’d never hear the end of it. 

At the same time, there’s only one person who would be texting Eddie at this time. It’s the same person who he’s continued to talk to nonstop since they exchanged phone numbers. 

Although him and Buck had already gotten into the habit of messaging one another through a dating site, things somehow feel different now that they’ve switched to texting. More intimate. More _real_.

With this on his mind, it’s easy for Eddie to decide to take the risk - balance the tray in one hand so he can use the other hand to retrieve his phone.

 **Buck (8:50am)** : my kids are going to be the death of me

 **Buck (8:51am)** : if I had known I was going to die today I would’ve at least dressed better

Buck’s flair for dramatics is a trait that Eddie learned about the younger man when they first began messaging each other. It’s thoroughly entertaining. 

**Eddie (8:54am)** : what happened?

 **Eddie** **(8:54am)** : just asking so i can give the police the correct info when the murder investigation begins

In place of a text, Eddie receives a picture. In the background, there’s a chalkboard that says ‘ _You’re the best, Mr. Buckley!_ ’ and on a large desk which must belong to Buck, there are various cards and what looks like a container with cupcakes in it. Eddie would zoom in to confirm this assumption, but it’s a little hard to do so with one hand while walking up the stairs. 

**Eddie (8:56am)** : why are you the best?

 **Buck (8:57am)** : i’m thoroughly offended that you even have to ask that

 **Buck (8:58am)** : (it’s teacher appreciation day)

“Are those for us?”

Eddie stops abruptly. The drinks in the tray tilt precariously, but Chim steps forward to save them with a steadying hand. 

“Well someone’s distracted this morning.” 

“No I’m not,” Eddie argues, locking his phone and stepping around Chim so he can carefully place the drinks on the counter. 

Chim's there a moment later, grabbing the mixed berry smoothie he's been trying to convince his coworkers to drink instead of coffee. He takes a long sip before leaning against the counter and studying Eddie. “Distracted _and_ defensive. Something’s definitely going on with you.”

In place of answering and implicating himself, Eddie grabs his coffee and takes a sip. It’s nowhere near as good as the one Abuela makes for him at her place, but it has caffeine and that's what matters most. He’ll gladly drink anything that’ll help him get through a 24-hour shift. 

Chim stares at Eddie a little too intently for his liking, but Eddie stands his ground and doesn’t look away. Looking away would mean admitting defeat and that’s not something Eddie is prepared to do, even if Chim’s observation is correct.

“There’s something different about you these days. And I intend to find out what it is.”

It’s definitely a threat, but it’s one that Eddie can handle especially since Hen and Bobby unwittingly come to his rescue only a few seconds later. They collect their drinks from the counter and thank Eddie for them before Hen engages Chim in a conversation. Bobby heads in the direction of the fridge, which temporarily allots Eddie some time to himself. He intends to use it wisely.

 **Eddie (9:03am)** : you definitely deserve the appreciation 

**Eddie (9:03am)** : those kids are lucky to have you as their teacher :)

Buck’s reply doesn’t come until much later in the day, but that doesn’t stop Eddie from laughing when he sees it.

 **Buck (4:10pm)** : I read your message during lunch with some of the other teachers and got mocked for my reaction to it

 **Buck (4:12pm)** : and no I will not tell you what that reaction was. you don’t deserve to know

* * *

It’s late when Eddie finally gets home. Christopher is spending the night at Abuela's, which means it’s also silent as Eddie slowly makes his way towards his bedroom. 

He hates it. 

The silence reminds him of the last call from his shift. A neighbor had called in about a very loud argument going on in the house next to theirs. As soon as the 118 arrived at the scene and began gearing up, the sound of two gunshots pierced through the night air and threw everyone into high alert. The all-clear was given at some point thereafter and, when Eddie and the rest of the time were finally allowed inside of the house, they were met with silence. 

Two DOAs. Nothing they could do to help either person.

Eddie changes out of his clothes on autopilot, thankful that he had the forethought to shower at the station. Now that he’s home, all he wants to do is crawl under the covers and forget about the horrors of the world for a little while. 

He has just pulled back his covers and laid down in bed when his phone vibrates. It’s not until it happens a second time, that he checks to see who’s texted him. 

**Buck (10:45pm)** : pretty sure I just saw you and your team on the news?

 **Buck (10:45pm)** : could be wrong but I figured I’d ask

Right, the news. Eddie forgets that, sometimes, being a first responder means ending up on television. It’s a part of the job he could happily do without. 

**Eddie (10:50pm)** : yeah that was us 

**Buck (10:51pm)** : are you okay?

Without thinking, Eddie’s fingers tap out his response - yes. Right before hitting send though, he stops himself. No, he’s not okay. Not really. 

It’s late, he’s tired, and he doesn’t feel like being a liar. Not tonight. It’s why he erases his original response and types a new one. 

**Eddie (10:52pm)** : no

Eddie puts his phone down beside him and closes his eyes. As soon as he does, the image of the dead man and woman from earlier infiltrates his mind. In comparison to everything he saw during his time in Afghanistan, the crime scene he witnessed today was nothing. But it’s the fact that it was a crime scene at all is what really got to him. Death was the norm overseas. It shouldn’t be the norm here, at home.

What’s the point of going off to war in the hopes of making the world a better place when violence can still be found everywhere you turn?

Eddie’s phone vibrates and, at first, he assumes it’s another text. When it continues vibrating, Eddie realizes that someone is calling him. Considering how late it is, he assumes it’s his grandma and is quick to pick up the electronic device. He’s about to accept the call when he sees the name at the top of the screen - Buck.

They’ve been messaging each other for over a month now and it’s become such an ingrained part of Eddie’s daily routine that it’s hard for him to imagine a time when that wasn’t the case. There have been moments where he’s felt like maybe they’ve been taking things a little too slowly and that, by now, other people would’ve met already. Or perhaps even gone on a date or two. But Eddie is in no rush and he’s been more than happy to keep things moving at this pace. 

But now, here Buck is taking things another step further and catching Eddie completely off-guard. Exchanging phone numbers was one thing. Talking on the phone is something else entirely. 

His phone is still buzzing in his hand and Eddie stares at it. The alternative to not answering this call is to continue lying in bed and being mocked by his overly quiet home. The latter is somehow scarier than the former. 

“Hello?” The voice, Buck, says as soon as Eddie answers. It’s weird that Eddie can list off so many random details about Buck - what he does for a living, what his favorite taco place is, what kind of music he listens to when he’s in a bad mood, where he grew up - but he’s never actually heard him speak. Not until now.

“Hi, Buck.”

For a few seconds, all Eddie can hear is Buck’s breathing on the other end. Then, “I hope it’s okay that I called. It’s just, I saw the news about that call you were on and then you said you weren’t okay and just texting you back didn’t feel right. But maybe this is weird, and I should’ve asked you if it was okay before doing it. Sorry. My sister says I should work on my impulse control.” 

Buck rambles when he’s nervous. That’s good to know. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie tells him, smiling when he hears Buck’s sigh of relief. “I’m glad you decided to call.”

“You are?”

Eddie pulls the covers up to under his chin and turns, allowing him to wedge the phone between his ear and the pillow. “Yeah. It was too quiet in my house.”

“Christopher?”

“At Abuela’s for the night.”

Buck hums and Eddie relishes in the sound. It makes him regret not transitioning into phone calls with Buck sooner. 

“Did you… want to talk about it?”

Eddie knows the ‘it’ that Buck’s referring to and also knows it’s that last thing he wants to be having a conversation about. “No.” 

He doesn’t mean for the word to come out so harshly, but it does that of its own accord. 

“Oh.”

“I’m just not really up for talking.”

“Right, of course.” Buck says in a rush. “You just got off of a crazy shift. You don’t need someone bothering you when all you really want is to rest.”

And, now that he’s said more, Eddie understands what Buck _thinks_ Eddie meant when he said he’s not up for talking. “No no no.” He wants to correct this misunderstanding now before it leads to Buck hanging up the phone and leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts again. He’s not ready to stop hearing Buck’s voice, not now. Having just this small taste of it isn’t enough. “I just meant I don’t really want to talk, but if you do, I’m all ears.”

“Are you sure?” His voice is timid, small. “I talk a lot.”

“I’m sure.”

There’s rustling on Buck’s end and Eddie wonders if the other man is getting into a more comfortable position too. “Let me tell you about what my first graders did to me today.”

* * *

It’s almost two in the morning when Eddie’s phone rings. He groans, rolling over onto his side and trying to ignore the loud intrusion altogether. 

“Shut that off!” Someone in the bunk room calls out, and it’s that that fully wakes Eddie up. He’s the only one on shift that keeps his phone volume on at all times, just in case a call comes through from whoever is taking care of Christopher. 

He scrambles out of his bunk, presses his phone against his chest in an attempt to dull the noise, and all but runs out of the bunk room. His eyes are still half-closed when he answers the call. “Hello?” 

“Eddie.”

“Buck?” There’s a choked sob on the other end of the line. The sound is amplified in the stillness of the station around him, and it pierces Eddie’s heart. “What's wrong?”

“I-” Buck gulps back air and Eddie reaches his free hand out, as if his touch will somehow reach Buck instead of the empty space around him. “I can’t sleep.”

Eddie is sure there’s more to the story than that, but it’s not his place to pry. Only a few nights ago, Buck offered Eddie the distraction he needed before going to bed. It’s only fair that he returns that favor. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

That seems to bring some of Buck’s vocabulary back to him. His voice sounds raw when he says, “I don’t want to keep you up.”

“I was up anyways,” Eddie lies, making his way up to the station’s loft and sitting down on the sofa. It’s a little odd being up here with all the lights off and no one else around him. Odd, but peaceful. 

“Let me tell you about some of the calls we had today.” 

Eddie’s not sure just how much time has passed, but he’s in the middle of telling Buck a story about a woman who got stuck in her date’s window when he’s interrupted by soft snores. He smiles, thoughts drifting to the image of Buck asleep in bed with his phone still in his hand. 

Eddie ends the call then and wills himself to get off of the sofa so he can catch at least another hour of sleep in the bunk room. The pull of sleep is far stronger than he’s expecting it to be and, instead of getting up like he should, he leans further back on the sofa and closes his eyes. 

When he wakes up later, it’s with a dull ache in his neck, a small blanket tossed over his body, and two new messages from Buck.

 **Buck (6:40am)** : I’m sorry that i kept you up so late

 **Buck (6:52am)** : thank you for answering my call

* * *

Eddie doesn’t need anyone to tell him what the next step to take with Buck is.

Before he can second guess himself or chicken out, he dials Buck’s number. 

Buck answers on the first ring. 

“Hey, Eddie!” Buck’s enthusiasm would be obvious to anyone who can hear him. It’s an observation Eddie made early on when they switched to daily phone calls. Whereas Eddie keeps his feelings as close to his chest as possible, Buck is happy to put them on full display. So much so that those same emotions always find a way to bleed into his voice. “I didn’t think we were going to be talking until later tonight?”

“Will you go out with me this Friday night?” Belatedly, Eddie adds, “like on a date?”

Eddie can’t remember the last time he’s had to ask anyone out, but that’s no excuse for forgetting just how nerve-wracking it is to wait for an answer. 

Time loses its meaning as Eddie holds his breath, waiting for Buck to respond. It might be seconds but could also be minutes later when Buck finally speaks. 

“Yeah I’d-I’d really like that.”

A bubble of laughter threatens to creep past Eddie’s lips, but he manages to keep it at bay. He can’t keep from smiling though. “Cool. I’ll text you the details.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he leaves, Eddie checks his phone. Even after all that time he spent obsessing over what to wear, he still managed to arrive at the restaurant early. He left his name and Buck’s at the front so that whenever Buck arrives, he would be led right to their table. It was a conscious decision on Eddie’s part to sit so that he’s facing the front door, that way he can see the moment Buck steps foot inside. 
> 
> In the meantime, Eddie focuses on keeping his heart from beating right out of his chest. This is the first date that he’s been on in years and it’s safe to say that his nerves are getting the best of him. It’s just that, he likes Buck. Really likes him, which feels almost stupid to say considering the fact that they’ve never officially met. 
> 
> It is what it is though, a side-effect of living in a world where online dating has become a norm. 

Eddie adjusts the sleeve of his light blue button-up for the third time in less than five minutes. Maybe he should’ve gone with the green long-sleeve instead. It was Abuela that convinced him that he looked more handsome in light blue. Then again, she might’ve just said that to get Eddie to stop fussing over his outfit and actually leave the house on time. 

“Good evening, sir. Can I take your order?”

“I’m actually going to wait for my date to arrive before ordering anything.”

The older gentleman nods in understanding. “Of course.”

When he leaves, Eddie checks his phone. Even after all that time he spent obsessing over what to wear, he still managed to arrive at the restaurant early. He left his name and Buck’s at the front so that whenever Buck arrives, he would be led right to their table. It was a conscious decision on Eddie’s part to sit so that he’s facing the front door, that way he can see the moment Buck steps foot inside. 

In the meantime, Eddie focuses on keeping his heart from beating right out of his chest. This is the first date that he’s been on in _years_ and it’s safe to say that his nerves are getting the best of him. It’s just that, he likes Buck. _Really_ likes him, which feels almost stupid to say considering the fact that they’ve never officially met. 

It is what it is though, a side-effect of living in a world where online dating has become a norm. 

When Eddie checks his phone again, he sees that it’s a couple of minutes past the time that him and Buck agreed to meet at the restaurant. Eddie goes into their text conversation to make sure he sent the right address. When he sees that he has, he locks his phone and waits. The restaurant is located in downtown LA and traffic is bound to be a nightmare, especially on a Friday night. 

Twenty minutes later, the waiter comes back to the table to ask if Eddie wants to place his drink order. He asks for water. 

Five minutes after that, the waiter is back at the table refilling the glass of water Eddie all but chugged in an attempt to distract himself from his date’s absence. He texted Buck to see where he was but has yet to receive a response. 

Another twenty minutes pass before the waiter is back at Eddie’s table.

“I’m so sorry, sir. But if you’re not planning on ordering anything-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie is already out of his seat and tugging his jacket off of the back of his seat. He’s sure that his cheeks are stained red by the shame he feels about being stood up like this, but it’s nothing in comparison to the disappointment coursing through him. “I’m leaving. Thank you for your kindness.”

He leaves a $20 bill on the table and walks out of the restaurant without looking back. 

* * *

Buck doesn’t get back to him that night or the night afterwards.

* * *

“It’s my own fault,” he tells Hen as they work together to clean the fire truck. It’s been four days since his failed date with Buck and just as long since he’s heard from him. “I was stupid for thinking I could actually trust someone I met through an app.”

“You’re not stupid,” Hen counters. “ _He_ is for missing out on the chance of being with someone as amazing as you.”

He knows Hen’s trying to make him feel better, but the words fall flat. If he’s so amazing, how come Buck didn’t show up? Why did he ghost him? Is it something he said during one of their conversations? Did he scare Buck away without even realizing it?

The worst part is, Eddie misses him. Him, this person Eddie never even had a chance to meet. But it’s true. There’s a Buck-shaped void in Eddie’s life, one that he’s struggling to fill. He got used to their daily phone calls and texts and losing both so suddenly has left Eddie feeling like an addict being forced to quit his habit cold turkey.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie catches Chim making his way over to them. The last thing he wants is someone else weighing in on this whole situation. “Can we drop this?”

Hen looks less than pleased by the request but does as she’s asked. “Hey, Chim.”

“Did you guys hear about that big accident that happened Friday night?” Chim asks, in lieu of a greeting. 

Eddie visibly winces at the mention of Friday and Hen places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, never once taking her eye off of Chim. “No, what happened?”

“Apparently there was some kind of explosion and a guy ended up trapped under his Jeep. It took-”

Eddie tunes out of the conversation and steps out from under Hen’s hand so he can move on to a different spot of the truck to clean. 

* * *

After a week of radio silence from Buck, Eddie deletes every single one of the dating apps he has on his phone. He tried using a few and reached out to a couple of people, but none of them ever felt right. And, with the sting of Buck’s rejection still weighing heavily on his mind, Eddie didn’t feel like he could fully trust any of the people he was messaging anyways. 

He contemplates deleting Buck’s number, but he can’t bring himself to do it. 

Eddie compromises by putting Buck’s messages on Do Not Disturb.

* * *

That same weekend, May catches Eddie alone at a family barbecue being held at the Nash-Grant household. 

“What ever happened with that cute guy you were talking to? Buck, right?”

Eddie stills and his breath gets lodged in his throat. He hates that he reacts so viscerally to the name. “It didn’t work out.”

* * *

Two weeks later, Chris is playing with his dad’s phone as the two of them make the drive to Abuela's house for Sunday dinner. 

“Daddy, your phone says you have eight new messages.”

Eddie’s gaze briefly meets his son’s through the rearview mirror before focusing on the road again. He doesn’t remember seeing any new messages when he was on his phone a few minutes ago. “Just ignore them, Chris.”

Eddie has no way of knowing that his son doesn’t heed his advice, choosing instead to go to his dad’s messages app to see who’s sent him that many messages. 

* * *

“Daddy, can I use your phone?”

Chris has made it a habit as of late to ask Eddie for his phone and his father doesn’t know what to make of that. The last thing he wants is for his son to become reliant on the device to keep him entertained. He knows how slippery that slope can be. 

“How about we use those legos that Uncle Bobby bought you instead?”

Eddie expects Chris to be excited about the prospect of using his legos, but all Eddie gets is a pout. “Please? I’ll be quick, I promise.”

As his father, Eddie _should_ be better at denying Chris’s requests even when a pout is involved. But there are days when Eddie will think back to how much of Chris’s life he missed out on while overseas and it makes it impossible for him to say no. 

“Fine,” he relents. Chris cheers as Eddie passes his phone over to his son. “But you can only be on it for ten minutes.”

“Okay!”

Eddie makes it a point to check the time on his watch so he can cut Chris off exactly at ten minutes, before getting up to grab the lego set from Chris’s room. By the time he comes back, his son is smiling and laughing at his phone. Eddie assumes he’s either watching a video or playing one of the games he has downloaded on the phone. Since Eddie doesn't hear any voices or music, he assumes it’s the latter.

Two minutes before his time is up, Chris gets up off the couch and hands his father’s phone back to him. “I’m ready to play with my legos now.”

Eddie slides his phone into his back pocket and settles his son on the floor beside him so they can work on their building project together.

* * *

“Daddy, my friend is having a bad day.”

Eddie, who’s in the middle of doing the dishes, doesn’t look up. He’s too concentrated on getting the charred remains of his attempt at making pasta off of the pan before it’s too late. If Abuela finds out that he ruined yet another pan with his cooking attempts, he’s almost certain that she’ll disown him. “I’m sorry to hear that, bud.”

“You have to talk to him.”

“Why me?” Eddie turns on the hot water in the hopes that that’ll make this whole process easier. 

Christopher huffs, a habit that he’s recently picked up. Eddie doesn’t know where his son learned it from, but he can’t say that he’s a fan of it. It acts as a reminder that his son is growing up and, as much as Eddie wishes he could stop time, it’s not possible. “Because he’s your friend too.”

And _that_ is enough to turn Eddie away from the task at hand. “ _My_ friend?”

Christopher puts the phone back to his ear. “I think my daddy forgot about you. I’m going to put him on so he can help you feel better.” 

Eddie watches in stunned silence as his son walks over to his side and holds the phone out to him. Chris has that determined look on his face that Eddie is sure he’s seen staring back at him in the mirror. The shock of seeing that expression on anyone other than himself is what prompts Eddie to answer the phone without glancing at the screen to see who it is he’s talking to. “Hello?”

“Eddie?”

Eddie’s still looking at his son, but he’s not really seeing him. His mind is too busy producing images of a man with golden hair, unfairly blue eyes, and a bruise-like birthmark. “Buck?”

It’s been almost a month since Eddie last heard from the other man. He had assumed that the time apart had been enough to erase his presence from Eddie’s mind and dull the effect he felt upon hearing Buck’s voice, but he was wrong. His heart is beating out a rapid cadence and the hand he’s using to hold his phone is shaking slightly. And how, _how_ can he still be reacting like _this_ to someone he’s never met?

“Eddie.”

“I don’t- I-” Words are failing him spectacularly and it annoys Eddie to no end. After the first few days of not hearing back from Buck, Eddie had worked up this whole monologue of things he would say to him. But weeks have passed and everything he thought he’d say when given the chance has all but flown out the window. Then he sees his son, the same person who definitely shouldn’t know who Buck is, sitting at the kitchen table and Eddie knows exactly what he wants to say. “Why the hell were you on the phone with my kid?”

“I can explain-”

“No,” Eddie interjects, feeling all of his anger towards Buck come bubbling back to the surface. He never found an outlet for his emotions after everything fell apart and now it’s coming back full force. Eddie is mindful of the fact that his son is only a few feet away. If not for that, this conversation would be a lot less child-friendly. “ _No. You_ stood _me_ up and now, what? You’re using my kid to get back in my good graces?”

Buck has the good sense to not say anything, apparently already prepared for the verbal lashing he was set to receive from Eddie. His silence only works against him as something else occurs to Eddie. “How did you even get in contact with him? Through _my_ phone?”

“I found his messages on your phone,” Chris answers, too young and innocent to identify his father’s tense and poised to lash out demeanor. “There was a little moon next to Buck’s name that was hiding his messages from you. But I saw them, so I responded.”

A lesson about privacy is not something Eddie thought he’d have to have with his son this early on in his life, but apparently it is. Eddie lowers the phone to address his son. “Remember when I told you in the past that you can’t take things that don’t belong to you? The same goes for whatever things you see on my phone, including messages I get from people.”

Chris’s lower lip juts outs and he lowers his head. “I’m sorry, daddy. But I liked talking to Buck. He’s nice.”

It’s the mention of what sounds like an ongoing conversation between Buck and Chris that leads Eddie to open his messages. Right there at the top of the screen with a half-moon next to it is Buck’s name.

Eddie likes to believe he’s an observant person, that the time he spent as a medic on the battlefield made it so that he was equipped to take notice of minor details that others might not. For him, having that ability could mean the difference between life and death for those he was treating. It’s an ability he thought he brought home with him, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe it’s something he’s only good at when out in the field and not while at home with his own son. It’s the only way he can think to explain how he missed the fact that Chris was texting someone he didn’t know with his dad’s phone.

Eddie scrolls through the texts between his son and Buck then. There aren’t too many messages, only a handful of them sent every couple of days, but enough to prove that the two of them have been talking for at least two weeks now. Buck regularly tells Chris that, although he’s happy to talk to him, he’s not sure how Eddie would feel about it. Every time, Chris says that his father won’t mind. 

Then, before any outgoing messages from Chris show up, there are a string of messages from Buck that were obviously meant to be read by Eddie. 

The first three came through the day after Eddie muted their text conversation. 

**Buck (12:24pm)** : I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from right now but I promise I can explain everything. 

**Buck (12:25pm)** : call me if you can?

 **Buck (8:59pm)** : okay so you haven’t responded which I understand. I didn’t show up for our date and it’s been over a week since you heard from me but please call me whenever you see this? You deserve better than me explaining myself over text

The next two messages come a day later. 

**Buck (4:05pm)** : i deserve the cold shoulder but I promise I can explain

 **Buck (8:42pm)** : please let me explain

There’s another message almost a week later. 

**Buck (6:45am)** : I really messed this up, didn’t I?

Another message comes a couple days after that.

 **Buck (3:26pm)** : I’m so sorry eddie 

Then there is one final message from him right before Chris started responding on Eddie’s behalf. 

**Buck (1:42am)** : I’ll stop texting you now. 

“Eddie?” His name is spoken timidly and it takes Eddie back to the nights he once spent on the phone with Buck. “Are you still there?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, not sure what to make of all of the messages he’s read. Buck says he has a reason for not showing up, but he never actually said what it was. Eddie hates that, even though all of this time has passed, he still wants to know _why_ he was stood up. 

It shouldn’t matter, but it does.

“Yeah.”

“I’m really sorry,” he pauses and then adds, “for everything.”

The apology tugs at the part of Eddie’s heart that wasn’t ready, or willing, to accept that Buck stood him up and then ghosted him for no reason. 

Eddie is tempted to say, ‘it’s fine’. It’s what he would usually do, brush aside his feelings and absolve someone else of their wrongdoing. It would be annoyingly easy to do, but he stops himself before he says anything because it’s _not_ fine. Not really. “Okay.”

Neither of them says anything and it’s a strange feeling, being on the phone with Buck and not having a single thing to say. Eddie can’t remember that ever being the case in the past during their phone calls. There hadn’t been a month of silence between them back then though. The weight of that hangs heavily over the both of them. 

“Well I should-” Eddie begins just as Buck says, “Is there anything I can do?” 

“Anything you can do?”

“To make it up to you,” Buck explains, the words rushing out of him as if he’s scared that Eddie will hang up on him before hearing him out. “If not that, at least let me give you a proper explanation of why I disappeared like I did.” 

Eddie doesn’t owe Buck anything, but he does owe it to himself to properly turn the page on this chapter of his life. 

“Fine.” Eddie hears something that sounds vaguely like a person choking, but he chooses not to comment on it. “ _But_ I choose where we’re going, and I plan to bring someone with me.”

“Deal.”

“ _And_ , if you stand me up again, you have to leave me alone. For good this time.”

“Understood, but that won’t happen again. I swear. Thanks for giving me a second chance, Eddie.”

* * *

“Thanks for coming with us, May.”

May shrugs and takes a sip of the caramel frappuccino Eddie bought her. “It doesn’t take much to convince me to come to Starbucks.” 

He appreciates her nonchalance about this whole situation. Initially, Eddie only planned to have Chris tag along with him. The more he thought about it though, the better he thought it’d be better to have an extra person tag along with the both of them. What if there was a conversation that needed to be had between Buck and Eddie alone? Eddie couldn’t, _wouldn’t,_ just abandon his son to accomplish that. 

His first thought was to invite Hen along with him, but then he remembered the conversation he had with May about Buck and knew that she was the perfect choice. 

“Mmm!” To Eddie’s left, Chris is smiling happily after taking a sip of his strawberry smoothie. “This is really good.”

“I told you you’d like it.” May ruffles Chris’s hair, much to his son’s amusement. 

Eddie wants to be strong enough to not glance at the coffee shop’s entrance every few seconds, but he’s not. This is only too reminiscent of the night Buck stood him up and he’s not ready for things to play out like that again. 

“Eddie, you alright?” 

It’s May that asks the question, but it’s both her and Chris who are carefully watching Eddie. 

“I’m fine.” May pointedly stares at him, putting him on the defensive “What? I _am_.” 

She doesn’t say anything, her gaze catching on something that leads her to push her chair back and walk towards the front of the coffee shop. He tracks her movements, unsure of what motivated the sudden need to get it up. It’s not until she pulls the door open and holds it that he understands. The person who’s walking inside is on crutches and had no way of opening the door himself. 

It’s not just anyone that she’s holding the door open for though, it’s Buck. 

Eddie learned early on in life that it’s rude to stare, but he can’t help himself. How is it possible that Buck looks even better in person? Aren’t pictures supposed to be more flattering than real-life?

May must also recognize him because she’s the one who leads Buck to the table where Eddie and Chris are sitting. She grabs a chair for him so he can join them before taking her seat beside Eddie again. Eddie is sure they’re quite the sight - him in the middle being flanked by a teenager and a child sitting across from a man who easily towers over all three of them and looks like he’s made up entirely of muscle. 

“Hi,” Buck greets, resting his crutches against the table. They’re almost twice as tall as Chris’s crutches.

It’s jarring to hear his voice in person when Eddie’s only ever heard him speak over the phone. “Hi.”

“You didn’t tell me you have crutches too!” Chris exclaims a little too loudly. A couple of heads turn in their direction, but Chris pays them no mind. 

Buck’s smile is soft as he looks over at Chris and _oh_ , that’s really not fair. Eddie became familiar with Buck’s smile through the photos he used for his dating profile, but this is different. Not only is Eddie seeing it in person for the first time, it’s being directed at the most important person in Eddie’s life - his son. “And you must be Christopher, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“What happened to your leg?”

“Chris,” Eddie warns, even though it’s the same question on his mind. As far as he knew, there had never been anything wrong with Buck’s leg.

“I’m May,” May cuts in, saving them from what could’ve been an awkward conversation and holding out her hand for Buck to shake. He does, seemingly unphased by the people Eddie decided to bring along with him.

“Buck. Thanks for holding the door open for me back there.”

“Sure.” She stands up again and Eddie wonders if there’s someone else she’s about to hold the door open for. Instead, she grabs her drink and Chris’s. “Chris and I are gonna go sit at that empty table over there so you guys can talk.”

Chris goes willingly, allowing May to help him get his crutches on so they can walk over to the opposite end of the coffee shop. She lets Chris take the lead but turns back around momentarily to address Buck, “don’t you dare hurt him again.”

“Did she just threaten me?” Buck asks once May is out of earshot.

Eddie’s really glad he chose to bring her along. “I think so.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s only a teenager, but I’m still feeling intimidated.”

“You probably should. Her mom’s a cop.”

Eddie shouldn’t take joy in the way that Buck’s eyes widen at that piece of information, but he does. Good, let him squirm. It might put them back on equal footing because right now Eddie is disarmed by just how attractive Buck is, especially this close-up. How and _why_ is someone allowed to have eyes that are _that_ blue?

“Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”

“Mhm.”

Buck rubs the back of his neck. Is that a nervous tick that he’s done before while on the phone with Eddie? “Can I get you anything? A drink? Scone? Cookie?”

“I’m fine.” Then, because they’re here for a reason, he says, “so, that explanation I was offered?”

“Right.” Buck tries to adjust his position, but in doing so, he accidentally knocks his cast against the pole below the table. He winces and Eddie almost does the same. “I was on my way to meet you at the restaurant when I got into an accident.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to make of that statement. He was ready for some sort of pathetic excuse - Buck’s phone died, he confused the day or time of their date, an unforeseen but conveniently timed emergency kept him from showing up - which is why this reason has left him reeling. 

“What?”

“I know it sounds fake or like a lie or whatever, but I swear I’m telling the truth.”

Eddie really has no explanation for knowing that Buck is telling the truth. It’s not like he’s had the chance to learn the nuances of Buck’s expression to parse out the truth in a sea of potential lies, but Eddie still believes him. It doesn’t make sense but sometimes the most important things in life just don’t. 

All the righteous anger Eddie was holding onto for weeks seeps out of him in seconds. It leaves behind a void that is slowly filling up with a messy combination of concern, regret and sympathy. “I had no idea.”

“How could you?” Buck asks, smiling ruefully. He shifts in his seat again, searching for a comfortable position that Eddie’s sure he won’t find. Not with a cast as bulky as the one wrapped around his leg. He should probably be keeping it elevated, but Eddie refrains from saying so. “The details are pretty fuzzy. All I remember is one second, I was driving to the restaurant to meet up with you and then, out of nowhere, there was a loud boom and I was pinned under my Jeep.”

Something about this story is familiar, which doesn’t make any sense. Where could Eddie have heard it from if not from Buck himself? 

“Considering the explosion itself, everyone keeps telling me that I’m lucky to be alive,” he continues, and Eddie can hear the ‘but’ in his voice. It’s as familiar to Eddie as the haunted look in Buck’s eyes, one that Eddie used to see reflected back at him when he first came home from his last deployment. It’s a look he still sometimes sees after rushing to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face after a particularly bad nightmare. Before Eddie can say anything about it, Buck blinks and whatever other emotion was attempting to bubble to the surface is efficiently cut off. “My phone wasn’t as lucky though.”

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs, hand itching to reach out and cover Buck’s. He knows trauma and the last thing he wants is to put Buck in a position where he’s forced to relive his own. 

“My sister was able to replace it for me and I had it backed up to my computer so restoring it was easy, but I wasn’t in a talking mood,” Buck presses on, acting as if he hadn’t heard Eddie say his name. “I did think about you though. It was one of my first thoughts when I woke up in the hospital, but I don’t know. How do you tell someone you’ve never met but have very real feelings for that you’re in for a long road to recovery? That’s a lot to put on anyone - I couldn’t do that to you.”

Buck’s last statement is punctuated by a laugh that sounds like it physically pains him. Eddie wants to say something, _anything_ , but he’s never been any good with words. He can’t even figure out if there _is_ a right thing to say. Him and Buck are stuck in an awkward middle ground that exists as a result of online dating.

It’s something Eddie had read about before what was supposed to be his and Buck’s first time meeting. There were countless testimonials about people who had been in virtual contact struggling to find that same spark when meeting in person. It was enough to scare Eddie at the time, but not enough to keep him from showing up at the restaurant that night.

In all the articles he read though, there was never any mention about what to do when the man you’re supposed to meet up with ends up in an accident, doesn’t speak to you for a month, and then suddenly makes a reappearance. 

“Anyways,” Buck says, eyes darting down to the table. “I get it. To you, it seemed like I stood you up and then ghosted you and that’s pretty unforgivable. I just wanted to apologize for that and I’m really glad you gave me the chance to do so.”

Buck keeps his eyes downcast and that’s when Eddie realizes this is it, this is everything that Buck showed up today to tell him. There’s nothing else to be said and it leaves Eddie with a steadily growing pit in his stomach.

This isn’t the way things were supposed to work out. They shouldn’t be meeting up for the first time a month _after_ what should’ve been their first date. Buck shouldn’t be sitting across from Eddie, unable to look at him. Eddie shouldn’t already be missing Buck even though he’s not gone.

In a perfect world, or at least a better one, Buck wouldn’t have ended up in that car accident that night. He would’ve made it to the restaurant like he intended to and whatever was growing between him and Eddie could’ve had a chance to continue blooming. But they don’t live in a perfect world and Buck _did_ get into an accident on his way to see Eddie and how is it fair for Eddie to condemn Buck for something that was out of his control? 

These thoughts all come at Eddie faster than he can fully reconcile them, all because it sounds like Buck is gearing up to say goodbye and Eddie’s not ready to hear it. 

It makes zero sense that he feels this way. Then again, online dating didn’t make sense to him until he tried it out. Maybe this, holding onto Buck instead of letting him go again, is something else that won’t make sense until Eddie tries it. 

And that’s the truth of the matter here, isn’t it? Eddie lost his chance with Buck once thanks to a freak accident and now that a second chance has appeared seemingly out of thin air, Eddie’s not ready to let go again. 

He doesn’t know what to say, so he decides to repeat some of the words Buck had spoken earlier, the same ones that Eddie’s brain had latched onto the moment they were said. “Very real feelings, huh?”

Eddie sure as hell has never been one to vocalize the way he feels and it’s refreshing to come across someone that does. Then again, haven’t conversations with Buck always been this way? Him speaking exactly what’s on his mind while Edde sat back and wondered what it would take for him to do the same?

“That’s what you took away from everything I just told you?” Buck’s cheeks are a light shade of pink when he says this and Eddie decides he likes that much more than the sad eyes and the goodbye in Buck’s voice from earlier.

“Is there anything else about that statement that I should’ve focused on?”

There’s not a hint of hesitation in Buck's voice only seconds later when he responds. “No, I guess not.” 

“Good.” 

“Good.”

They stare at each other in companionable silence then and something warm settles in Eddie’s chest. He can’t give it a name, not yet. All he knows is that it’s been too long since he last felt it and what are the odds that it would come back to him in a coffee shop of all places? It’s annoyingly cliché and, if anyone were to question Eddie about it, he’d deny it until his dying breath. 

“Does this mean you forgive me?”

Buck sounds hopeful and it tugs at a chord deep within Eddie’s heart, as if the younger man believes that forgiveness is something he must earn and that’s not readily deserved. It’s something Eddie knows all too well. It’s also something he's willing to give Buck. no additional questions asked.

“It means there’s nothing to forgive.” 

This time Eddie does reach for Buck’s hand. Buck’s fingers slide within the gaps of Eddie’s with the kind of familiarity that should only exist between couples who have known each other much longer than Buck and Eddie have. Then again, the two have known each other, albeit virtually, for a fair amount of time. There’s more merit to that than Eddie realized.

It might be too soon to think this, but Eddie believes this - holding Buck’s hand - is something he can get used to.

“Thank you for giving me a second chance.” 

“Thank you for striking up a conversation with my son.” 

The statement is ridiculous if Buck’s laughter is anything to go off of, but it’s also the truth. Without Christopher, none of this would be possible. Eddie wouldn’t be seated here, across from the man who’s stupid dating profile bio and indescribable good looks were, and still are, almost too good to be true.

“Do you think we should invite Chris and the cop’s daughter back to the table? They’re very openly staring at us.”

When Eddie follows Buck’s gaze, he sees that the younger man is correct. Both Chris and May are scrutinizing them. May much more so than Chris, but it’s obvious that they’re both staring. “I think you’re right.” 

With a subtle nod on Eddie’s part, May jumps out of her seat and helps Chris do the same. Her patience with his son is something Eddie refuses to ever overlook. She makes sure to carry Chris’s unfinished drink for him as the two of them make their way back to the table. May helps Chris get comfortable in the seat beside his father before reclaiming her seat on the other side of Eddie. 

“Looks like you two worked things out.” May says, her brown eyes focused on Eddie and Buck’s intertwined hands. 

Buck tugs loosely on Eddie’s hand, maybe to let go of his hand to make things a little less obvious, but Eddie doesn’t let him. Now that he has committed to giving things another shot, he refuses to let anything deter him. That includes an over-invested teenager and her too-observant eyes. He can trust May to keep this from her mother and stepfather for now, even if it means bribing her with more trips to Starbucks in the future.

“It looks like we did.”

Then, because his son is too smart for his own good, Chris also notices that Eddie and Buck’s hands are clasped over the table between them. “Does this mean you like him too, daddy?”

Buck looks far more amused than he has any right to. It’s not fair but, at the same time, it’s such a welcome contrast from the way Buck had looked earlier that Eddie has no desire to voice his objections. “I do, buddy.” 

“You _see_. I told you he was your friend.” Eddie would be exasperated by his son’s know-it-all tone if not for the fact that it’s entirely warranted. “Can we keep him?”

Eddie should probably correct Chris, explain that Buck is a person and not an object that can be kept. He doesn’t only because, as his mind has a tendency to do, Eddie immediately starts thinking about worst case scenarios. In this case, it’s one Eddie already experienced. It consisted of a long month full of casting frequent glances at a silent phone and nights where he wished a soothing voice might fill his ears and help lull him to sleep. 

Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand, bringing him back to the present and to his son who’s still expectantly waiting for his father’s answer. 

Before saying anything, Eddie takes a moment to take in his surroundings. His son’s curious stare, May’s knowing smile and, finally, Buck’s encouraging grin. It’s not logical for Eddie to already be imagining a ‘Forever’ in his future with this man who he still has so much to learn about, but that’s not stopping him from doing so anyways. 

“I really hope so, Chris.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed this second part and thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos on the first part - it meant more to me than you know :) 
> 
> Catch me over on Tumblr [@starlightbuck](https://starlightbuck.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter! The second part will be up within the next day or two. 
> 
> And, if you want to, catch me over on Tumblr [@starlightbuck](https://starlightbuck.tumblr.com/)


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